Curse You - No, I love you, Perry the Platypus
by silvershadowmockingjay
Summary: Perry is on yet another mission to stop Doofenshmritz, but this time, maybe Doof will have a happy ending. One-Shot, rated T.


**A/N: I do not own Phineas and Ferb, and this one-shot is purely for pleasure's sake. Have fun reading!**

"CARL! Oh uh, good morning Agent P." Major Monogram stared through the screen, twiddling at his moustache awkwardly upon Perry's arrival. Perry stared at him impassively.

"Recently Doofenshmritz has been buying lots of, um, diapers. Find out what he's up to. Good luck Agent P. Monogram out." Perry gave a salute, and the screen flickered shut.

_Maybe he's building another Nanny-inator,_ Perry shrugged, as he flew towards Doofenshmritz Evil Inc.

He flew through the wall.

The room was a mess, covered in the usual machine parts, wall debris, and - cake crumbs? Wow. Cake was something Doof hated with an intense passion. And in the rooftop sat yet another Inator.

"Ah, Perry the Platypus." Doof spun around in his chair. Perry stifled a gasp. His face was unkempt, that was expected. But boy, was his belly huge. And not just the - ahem, horizontally challenged - kind of huge. It was plain humongous.

Doof raised an eyebrow. "Have a seat, Perry the Platypus. This isn't a trap, by the way. I'm too lazy to set one today." He patted a booster seat by his side, where Perry promptly sat. "Now before you judge me, listen to my backstory. And this one involves you." Doof spoke hastily, glaring slightly at Perry before he began.

"You see, some time ago I was feeling really weird. I kept throwing up and craving cake. And you know how much I hate cake. Ugfhg, I still don't know why I ate it." He shuddered a little, and continued, "And then somehow I took a test and found out I was /pregnant/. Pregnant, Perry the Platypus! I'm a male! And then I figured that I somehow got zapped with my woman-inator. And you wanna know who the other father is?"

He paused for effect.

"It's YOU, Perry the Platypus! I don't know - I don't want to know what happened, but you're the dad." Doof folded his arms and scowled.

_Oh, shit._

Perry knew exactly how it happened.

Doof got up from his chair and paced around, arching his back. "Anyway, it'll be so embarrasing walking around the streets like this, so presenting... The prego-inator!" Cue thunder sound effect. Perry seemed unamused, but his mind was spinning so much, and his head was throbbing. _Shit. Shit. What have I done?_

"So I figured I could actually probably stay here till the baby comes or something, but nah, that's too troublesome. This inator will turn each and every man in the Tri-State Area... PREGNANT! And then I will be able to walk around the streets without drawing attention. You see Perry the Platypus, I added diapers, Prego sauce - wait, I know that look. Don't flashback again - darn."

And indeed, Perry was flashbacking; his image rippling quite literally.

It had been just a few months ago, when they were having an old-fashioned catfight while Perry tried to destroy Doofenshmritz's Woman-inator, why he had built it in the first place, Perry forgot. But they were wrestling around till Doof accidentally knocked over the gallon of wine which gushed down their throats and all over their bodies. And they proceeded to take their clothes off drunkedly and... _ew_. Ew, ew, ew. He stopped rippling.

Perry launched towards the Prego-inator and hit the self-destruct button. The Inator created a smaller explosion than usual, no less than a poof. Yet he didn't jump off the rooftop, Agent P style, but walked towards Doof, and placed his hand on Doof's belly, a small smile on his bill, a little sheepishly, but elated at the same time.

"Oh, Perry the Platypus, you mean you'll take care of the baby with me? That's wonderful! Oh, lemme go fix my Nanny-inator now, and-" His words were cut off, as Perry placed his bill against Doof's lips, and they pressed against each other in a long, slow, kiss; fiery, passionate, as if Major Monogram could be standing right in front of them and they wouldn't have cared.

"Perry the Platypus, you love me?" Doof murmured as they finally broke apart. Perry gave a slight tilt of his head, his face wistful.

"I love you too, Perry the Platypus. We are going to have a beautiful family."

"Krrrrkrrkrkrrrkrrr."


End file.
